Gratitude

I've seen so many people start posting their gratitude posts on Facebook today, so I've decided to do the same.  I'll post the abbreviated version on Facebook, and then expound on it here on my blog. You'll get to know the background for my gratitude AND that will get me blogging EVERYDAY! Try not to fall off your chairs now.

Here is my first post from FB.

1. I'm grateful to be mentally healthy after having Katie.

A few (read "too many") hours after Eva was born, finally getting to hold her.

I had no idea when I had Eva how difficult things would get.  By the time we came home from the hospital, my post partum depression was in full swing, but I didn't realize it.  I didn't figure it out for a while.  Will finally figured it out about 4 weeks after Eva was born, and it took weeks longer before my meds kicked in.

Even now, when I think about how things were: the suicidal thoughts, the inability to get out of bed, and the constant sadness; I cry for how much of Eva's babyhood I missed.  I still feel guilty when I find it so easy to love on Katie. I hate that I couldn't feel the same thing.  I'm not saying the same feeling didn't exist, it did.  But my mind was so messed up by my PPD that I couldn't recognize and feel the love I had for Eva.


So when I say I'm grateful to be mentally healthy, I say it because I love that I can enjoy hearing my babies laugh.  I love that I can enjoy holding my baby.  I love that I can hold and soothe Katie when she cries. I don't know if the sadness will ever pass about when Eva was an infant, but I know now that I love her, and I am so happy to be able to feel it now too.

Eva loves to copy Katie.

Sometimes Katie needs to be protected from Eva's love.

These are my favorite faces!

Such pretty girls.

Eva loves to "read" to Katie.

These two are best friends.

I'm glad I can enjoy these two!