to check my blood pressure. And it wasn't any lower. In fact, it was higher. Joy. The nurse checked it again after I'd relaxed (read, put myself into a coma to lower my blood pressure) for 10 minutes, and it had gone down some. Basically, I'm sitting on the line between moderate hypertension and "severe." If I get another reading on my blood pressure as high as it was today, then I will get 48 hours notice before the doctor will induce or do a c-section. It's not pre-eclampsia yet, but it's heading that direction.I've been doing pretty well with the complications, but it's getting more real that baby Eva will be coming early. My doctor is being cautious, but optomistic that things will be able to make it for a couple more weeks. Right now, the biggest goal is to be able to deliver no sooner than 9 days from now (34 weeks). If we deliver before then, I have to transfer to a new doctor, a different hospital, and that's not really desirable for me... in any sense of the word.
I went to the hospital today for another non-stress test, a steroid shot (for Eva's lung development), more blood work, a clean urine catch (which I have to repeat since it looks like I might have a UTI on top of everything else), and to start another 24 hour urine catch. Oh, and I get to repeat the NST, steroid shot and lots of blood pressure monitoring tomorrow.
I've been pretty positive (knowing that stressing out will only increase my blood pressure), but tonight I have hit the wall. I don't want anything to be wrong with my baby. I'm worried that she'll come too early and have to be in the NICU for a while. I'm worried that will change my plans to breastfeed. I'm worried about a lot, and it's finally gotten to me.
I'm grateful for the power of the priesthood. (And for great men in my ward who are willing to come over at 10:30 at night to help Will.) I've received numerous blessings and in them I've been promised that everything will be okay with the pregnancy, not easy, but okay. Sadly that only brings up more questions in my mind, though. What is the "not easy" part? Bedrest? Premature baby? Side effects of prematurity?
So there it is. I wish I could say I know everything is going to be just fine, but I don't. I'm worried. My maternal instinct to protect my baby has set in full force and all I want to know is that she is going to be healthy. And yet, I have no control over it.
How do you end a post like this? It always gets really awkward for me when I complain about something no one has control over. I just need to vent really, and express how difficult this is for me right now. I never expected to be so worried about the health of my baby, and I never expected that things could go south so quickly. Thank you for listening. Thank you especially for those who have (and will) write sweet comments to me, and for those who have called or stopped by. It means so much to me.
P.S. On a side note... does anyone in Utah have a recommendation for a place to by an over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder for nursing? Motherhood Maternity doesn't have sizes big enough for me, and I'm gonna need something soon. I'm looking for a place to buy one in Utah County if possible, but Salt Lake County is okay too.
16 comments:
I Love you, Nancy! I'm so sorry and wish I could do something!
Shirley
Trust in the Lord and breathe.
You could buy a nursing bra on-line.
My sister used Target maternity bras and loved them. Hopefully they have a range that will accommodate. I am sorry for all the complications, but think of the joy of having Eva here and how far you have come! You are doing so great, and I know you can get through this last hurdle until she arrives here.
love,
liz
Have you learned how to deep breathe? You must draw the air in through your nose and expand your ribcage and then hold for a few seconds before slooowly releasing the air through your mouth. I guarantee it will help lower the pressure. I know personally....as a BP patient. Once I learned how to do this, I could lower my pressure enough that I could lower my meds eventually. Give it a try!
Thinking of you each day.
call me 785-5193. Anne and I can talk you through all this (early babies in utah county, needed giant nursing bras, breastfeeding preemies, all that)
Hang in there and trust your doctor. You can do it and will be able to handle whatever happens. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.
I found a good fitting front closure bra worked just as good if not better than an actual nursing bra -- especially with my first. But, I also agree that Target brand nursing bras are the best -- better than the expensive Motherhood Maternity kind.
If you end up needing a c-section I can give you pointers on recovery.
Call me anytime-maybe Anne and I can come for a visit soon. Like Sunday?
I love you so much! You are in our prayers and thoughts. Just remember to listen to, and trust in, the Lord and your doctors. Breathe and relax.
Much love and best wishes,
your favorite sister-in-law,
Katrina
hey Nancy,
Hang in there. I know little Eva will be fine and you'll be fine! I would definitely check online for a nursing bra. You can get everything online! Keep resting and keeping your feet up and it'll all be over soon (that's what everyone keeps telling me as well)! So here's wishing!!!
If I were able to come and give you a big hug and just cry with you I would be on the next plane out of here. But I can't and I know you have family and Will to hug you for me. We love you so and pray for you always. With all you hope and prayers.
when you've reached the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on. it is always darkest before the dawn. Soon you will have beautiful baby girl. Ask the Lord to help you get by one day at a time.
Hugs!
Tamara
Nancy! I'm sorry that you've been having some difficulties! I haven't been as good about keeping up as I should be. You are in the thoughts, hearts and prayers of those around you and we are all pulling for you! PLEASE let me know if you need ANYTHING! We're praying for Eva as well... :)
Hang in there girl! I am thinking of you and sending you my good thoughts.
Nancy, stay calm. Really, sounds dumb but do learn to breathe with purpose. Eva might be a little small when she's born, but you have a wonderful support system, make sure you use them. Praying for you!!!
I will pray everything will be okay!! I am sure it is hard to relax.
I am only 14 weeks and I am already having blood pressure problems. I just may end up in the same boat...I am going to try to relax, too...easier said than done, huh?
Nacy I only want to give you some peace about things. " You are going to be ok and so is Eva." I had Sophie @ 35 weeks, and the only reason she was in the NICU was due to low birth weight that's nothing she was happy and healthy. She was in th NICU for about six days and you can breatfeed as soon as your body let's you, when they give you the pump to help your body know it is time to feed and produce milk it might take a day or two but it will happen. A word or two even if you don't get anything keep doing it as much as you can take it, I pump every hour to start my body making milk and that night I started, you can do the same thing you might be a little sore but after that you mind and body will just do it. If you have a c-section I'm not a small women either make your self try and get up that day if you do you will recover so much more fast and better for your body even if you take one or two steps. Trust me on this. And most of all listen to your blessing, if you pray and heavenly father says it's time to go, call your doctor. If anything they can check you out, nancy you have been blessed and heavenly knows you and what you are worried about put it in his hands, and I know he will watch over you and Eva and take care of you. Good luck
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